the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
