I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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