Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
