Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
