I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
