if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
