i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
