And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Boobs are out for the taking
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
