Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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