best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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