Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
