I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
