I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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