so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I cannot find my penis.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
