So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
