community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
