there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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