the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
