I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
