A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
