She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
