i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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