I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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