i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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