Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
