I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
