Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
