We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
