Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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