When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
