I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
