I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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