just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
