last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
