Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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