yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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