I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
