I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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