"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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