Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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