Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Did you just see the Batmobile???
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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