i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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