i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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