Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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