what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
