So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
