Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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