remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
