Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
