I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
